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Ever Wondered Why You Don’t Achieve Your Goals? (Part 1)

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Ever Wondered Why You Don’t Achieve Your Goals? (Part 1)

Ever wondered why you sometimes have those goals that you don’t quite achieve? You may almost get there, or you may not even get close to achieving them. Or maybe you decide it’s not important, and it ends up on the scrap heap.

Our values are our internal compass, and they direct our lives.

They are at the core of decisions that we make, and they influence what we are prepared to do or not prepared to do. They are often responsible for that feeling we get in the gut when we make a decision that doesn’t feel quite right, and when we do things that are in alignment with our values we feel satisfied and fulfilled.

Values are often at the cause of our issues with other people and greatly affect how happy we are in our relationships. Many relationship breakups are the result of values not being met by one or both parties. And we are all aware of those amazing relationships, the couples that have been together for decades, they hold hands and are still so obviously deeply in love even in old age. Their relationships are fulfilling, they just seem to flow, and you can bet your bottom dollar that their values are similar and in alignment.

I remember a relationship I had a few years ago with a man I was deeply in love with. As time went on I began to feel more and more unfulfilled. I found myself over compromising to make the relationship work; my needs were not being met, and no matter how many discussions we had, that didn’t change. Eventually, I walked away because it became the only way for me to fulfil my values.

So it stands to reason if values are that powerful and drive us internally, it’s important that our personal values are aligned with our goals. You need to build a relationship with your goals, so you are really into them.

If your goals aren’t in alignment with your values, you may find yourself resisting implementing the strategies to achieve them and some people even feel a physical block.

When we get clear on our personal values and ensure that our goals are aligned with them, we become a powerhouse in goal achievement. We achieve with more ease and flow, and when we achieve the goal, we feel incredibly fulfilled, just like those beautiful couples that have been together for decades.

1. Get clear on your outcome

When you set your goal, get really clear on what you want to achieve. Make your goal sensory specific, what I mean by that is what it will look like, what you will hear, what you will say to yourself and how you will feel when you achieve it. Make it measurable and make sure that your deadline is realistic. When you do this, you bring your goal to life and give yourself a lot more clarity.

2. Get clear on your own personal core values

Your values are the things that are really important to you; they are operating on an unconscious level. Your values are present in the moments when you are feeling completely fulfilled. For example, they are words like integrity, honesty, connection and success. When you know your values, it will assist you to feel fulfilled in all aspects of your life.

3. Align your values with your goals

Ask yourself honestly which values you will be fulfilling by achieving the goal you have set and which values this goal could be in conflict with. If there are any values in conflict, its time to adjust the goal or adjust your values to ensure that they are all in alignment. When you do this, your goals will feel more congruent.

Our values are always operating on an unconscious level, and because they are unconscious, you need to allow yourself time and space to explore them. A coach can assist you with this process and help you get a really clear understanding of what your values are and how they work. When you get really clear on this important influencer, it can lead to more fulfilling relationships, a satisfying career and business and gives you maximum opportunity to achieve your goals.

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Showing 2 comments
  • Roland Hanekroot
    Reply

    Thanks for a great read Deb… indeed, nothing as valuable as values in life…. values and beliefs… Thanks for stating that so clearly… and I would also argue to your point: “Or maybe you decide it’s not important, and it ends up on the scrap heap.”… that if a goal turns out not to be important anymore that the best place for it is on the scrap heap.
    Goals are, at best, guesses of what we think we’d like our future to look like, given what we know in the moment we create the goal. But the next day, the world will change and to keep blindly pushing your way to a goal that is no longer relevant in a changed world is silly.
    I believe powerful effective goal setting must incorporate change… today I am at point A and I see the world like this and in that picture I would like to think that working towards point B is a good idea and I guess that if I try hard I have a good chance of getting to A… but tomorrow I see the world differently and maybe point B isn’t an important place to get to anymore, or it’s looking like it will be too hard or too easy to get there for me in this changed world and changed set of priorities… so now I think point C is a better Goal…
    Planning is guessing someone once said and so is goal setting I believe.
    cheers

  • Deb
    Reply

    Hi Roland, thank you for taking the time to comment and for your very relevant points, I do appreciate it and I do agree with your points absolutely. This comes down to awareness and flexibility of thinking and behaving, being flexible to our environment and also flexibility within ourselves to know when things are no longer relevant or important. I would never suggest someone keep pushing towards a goal that is no longer relevant or important to them. Goals give us direction so we can get off the starting line and give us a mark to aim for, but once we get off the starting line we begin to see other possibilities because we are outside of our comfort area and because of this we are viewing our world differently, so it is definitely about being flexible. You have inspired me to write another article to support this series even more.
    Thank you 🙂

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