Are You a Victim or Are You Resilient?


Are You a Victim or Are You Resilient?

Are you a victim or are you resilient?

Have you ever felt like a victim in your life? Has something important occurred to you that was beyond your control that had a negative impact on your life where you came away feeling why me?

Most of us will have experienced some version of this in our lives. We have all had experiences that are beyond our control that impact what we are doing. Sometimes we allow these experiences to put us on a trajectory where we blame others for what is happening or we start to hold back and put up our own barriers to what we want to achieve for fear of these experiences being repeated.

I want to distinguish that there are different types of victimhood. We have people who have been through the very real experience of being a victim of violence whether it is sexual, physical, verbal and or emotional. I do not want to take away from or diminish the ongoing impacts that horrible experiences like these can have on people.

The type of victimhood I am referring to is about when we continue to define ourselves from a past experience and find it difficult to move beyond this. Where we become self-martyrs to an experience that was beyond our control and we start to create our own barriers to growth in our personal and or professional lives.

I am not saying that in and of itself this is a bad thing as we have our emotions for a reason and if something occurred beyond our control that is negative of course we will react in certain ways. What I am briefly addressing here is how we can prepare ourselves for these experiences and move through them.

We can stop casting ourselves into the role of the victim through building our resilience.

I would like to share some of the tools I have learned that can assist with building resilience in the face of experiences that were beyond my control:

  • Acknowledge that what occurred did have an impact on you and was out of your control,
  • Take ownership of the experience through reshaping how you think about and finding a way to interpret it as an opportunity for growth,
  • Build on what you know you are good at,
  • Use the supports you have around you,
  • Take time for self-care; some examples being finding ways to relax, taking time for rest, engaging in exercise, etc.,
  • Make space for celebrating achievements to assist with ameliorating negative experiences.

You can take control now of what was once uncontrollable.

There are many things you can do to build your resilience. There are lots of online sources you can research, coaches you can hire and books you can read that can assist.

When we build our resilience this helps us deal with our past experiences and while also assisting us with learning to cope with new experiences that are unexpectedly beyond our control.

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